Serving up another edition of LETTERS FROM THE ROAD, our guest post series where we invite musicians we are utterly nuts about to take over and write whatever they like. 2 rules: it has to be in the form of a letter, it has to have something to do with music. This week’s LETTERS FROM THE ROAD guest author is a friend and brilliant singer-songwriter who we adore, Jim Boggia:
Dear Taylor Swift,
We need to talk.
I want you to know up front that I really tried to find someone else to write to – someone else who could ease my pain, someone else who might not make me feel so bitter. But I am bitter, Taylor – bitter about things you’re probably too young to understand and that you probably, to be fair, are not so much responsible for as you are representative of.
You know where this is going. Yes, it’s the Grammy thing. That performance. You can’t sing. You took home four Grammys . . . . and you can’t sing. There’s a moment in the first chorus of ‘Rhiannon’ where you can see Stevie Nicks is visibly cringing at how flat you are singing. Let me make sure you understand this, because you’re young and this might be lost on you. This is not Stevie WONDER we’re talking about cringing at your performance, but Stevie NICKS, a woman who owes her career to sleeping with a genius guitar freak/audio architect. Because you see, that’s how it was done in the old days and we didn’t necessarily approve of it, but it got us laid, so ok – let the girl who likes to pretend she’s a witch sing a couple of songs. But even she still had to hit the notes.
How can I make you understand?
A long time ago, we had a group called the Beatles. You might have heard of them as they are now a video game. Anyway, we loved them so much that we even liked to hear their drummer, Ringo, sing one song an album, even though he couldn’t really quite hit the notes. But, the thing is Taylor, he was the DRUMMER. And we really loved the Beatles. And everything else they did was so groundbreakingly amazing. And it was only one song an album.
When you don’t hit the notes it’s different, and not in a good way. I know, I know, on your records, it sounds like you CAN hit the notes. But see, we’re sophisticated now and we know it’s auto-tune and that’s not your fault either but I still have to tell you that it’s no fun living in a world where it’s easier to make someone who looks like you do sound good than it is to make someone who sings like I do look good.
Which brings up another point. You know that song of yours? The one where she’s the cheerleader and you’re the unpopular outsider? Well, I’m having a hard time buying into that because – not to dwell on this but, um . . . . LOOK AT YOU. You can feel free to read this next sentence in the voice of Grandpa Simpson, but: In my day, girls who looked liked you WERE the cheerleaders and then, as now, girls who looked like you wound up getting the guy you talk about in that song. And music . . . Music . . . MUSIC . . . well, that was OUR territory – the folks who really were unpopular. You should check out a tune called ‘At Seventeen’ by Janis Ian. Then you should check out Janis Ian. I mean do a Google Images search. See? SHE was in the bleachers wearing a t-shirt, Taylor, not you. Can’t you just be happy being the cheerleader? Do the popular kids have to take over music, too?
But why am I blaming you? The popular kids took over our game a while ago. There was a bit of a back and forth tussle for a while, but there was a moment – it might have been when Kurt put the bullet through his head – that it was over, the cool kids won and popular music (not POP music, but music which is massively popular) became about being popular and not about making music. And it’s not just you – those guys in Franz Ferdinand can’t sing, either. And on and on. And on and on.
So, no – you are not to blame for this world that you find yourself in – a world that has been this way pretty much since you were born. But you were just given four Grammys. There was a time when you kinda had to be able to bring it, really have your craft down and then, if you caught a break or two, maybe you’d win a Grammy. The process is reversed now. You’ve been awarded your Grammys already. I hope you step up, work hard to really become a musician (and, most specifically, a singer – please learn how to sing) and earn them somehow retroactively.
To end on a positive note – I’m not going to tell you that Beyonce made one of the greatest videos of all time.
Musically Yours,
Jim
Tags: Beyoncé, Jim Boggia, LETTERS FROM THE ROAD, Stevie Nicks, Taylor Swift, the beatles —
