Dear Music Industry,

So, I have a question. I’m confused. Ok, so you got Miley Cyrus, right? And then there’s Hannah Montana. Buuuuuut…ok wait. Are they the same person? Cause umm, one’s a brunette annnnd…the other’s blonde annnnd….but….I heard it was the same girl….but then I was thinking…wow…I guess that’s working out well for her …or them..or…her dad. or their dad. But then I thought about people it didn’t work out so well for. Like Garth Brooks and that Chris Gaines guy. They had different hair too…so…I dunno. Oh yeah…and I know for a fact that last week, it was either Miley, Hannah, or Coldplay that sold over 750,000 copies of their new release. But I can’t remember which. I wanna say it was the second one. Wait, is she the blonde? *brain aneurysm* …..Is one of them related to Hulk Hogan? It’s not Chris Martin. Nope nope nope. It’s one of the girls. Yeah, one of them is the Hulkster’s daughter. He’s like, “I pity ‘da fool. that. won’t.. buy….my blonde-haired daughter’s …new album.” It just gets really dicey.

In closing, stop it with the beards. Just please. Look. I am far passed my cool years. I know this. But. How long is this “I’m the lead singer of this hip indie band, so I have a long-ass disgusting beard cause I hate it” thing going to continue? News flash. You will get older. You will look back. And you will think it silly. Trust me. I do it when I look back at pictures and see my “Flannel in the summer time, Doc Martin’s with shorts and shoulder length hair cause I hate it” grunge phase. And yes, at the time I felt it meant something. And yes, I lived it and thought that no one really “got” me (which I secretly loved even though it was a lie), and ok, yes, I did think I looked kinda cute with Eddie Vedder hair. And speaking of Yes…

Ashton Allen

Ashton is a non-hip, non-grunge, non-threatening songwriter from Florida whose second solo effort “Wellspring” will be released exclusively October 2008 through Barnes & Noble.