When the June issue of Real Simple arrived, I tore through it, my inner (and hopefully hipper and better dressed) Martha Stewart unfettered by the wistful yet impractical thoughts that such magazines inspire: a busy girl CAN transform her backyard into a “Summer Oasis,” master “No-Cook Summer Meals,” AND institute “10 Smart Uses for Old Plastic Bags”. Eureka.

But when I read their list of “No. 1 Summer Hits From the Past 16 Years,” it seemed that it was RS in dire need of a musical makeover.

2007: “Umbrella,” Rhianna featuring Jay-Z
2006: “Me & U,” Cassie
2005: “We Belong Together,” Mariah Carey
2004: “The Reason,” Hoobastank
2003: “Crazy in Love,” Beyoncé
2002: “Hot in Herre,” Nelly
2001: “Hanging by a Moment,” Lifehouse
2000: “Bent,” Matchbox Twenty
1999: “All Star,” Smash Mouth
1998: “Iris,”The Goo Goo Dolls
1997: “Semi-Charmed Life,” Third Eye Blind
1996: “You Learn,” Alanis Morissette
1995: “Water Runs Dry,” Boyz II Men
1994: “I Swear,” All-4-One
1993: “That’s the Way Love Goes,” Janet Jackson
1992: “Baby-Baby-Baby,” TLC

Granted, an arbitrary list, simply “based on radio airplay.” And I’d stopped listening to pop radio a long time ago. But still, I felt excluded. After all, this was a club I supposedly belonged to: women aged 25 to 54, college-educated, middle-class, employed. Am I alone among Real Simple’s 7.3 million readers as a gal who gets her “5-Minute Morning Beauty Regimen” summer groove on to something other than vapid-pop?

Even box-store radio plays Phish’ “Heavy Things” and the Damnwells’ “Golden Days.” Not the kind of songs I would expect to be on a pop radio airplay list but for a magazine which prides itself on appealing to do-it-yourself, pink toolkit-slinging “changemakers” musically, Home Depot has them beat.

So ladies. If, like me, you rock but yet you also aspire to cleanliness, godliness, and the idea of homemade ice cream (although, let’s face it, Ben & Jerry’s does a damn fine job), let me suggest a summer pop soundtrack that’s well, a little less vanilla:

Meet the new girl of summer, Santogold and her self-titled, solo debut. Punk + Ska + Rock + Hip-Hop + Pop all wrapped up in a sort of new New-Wave — complete with nonsense-word choruses and feral screams. FUN! I can’t remember the last time I wanted to actually DANCE to music. And I don’t mean head-bob.

You wanna feel 14 again? Buy the whole thing.

However, if iPod-a-few-at-a-time you must, a Santogold-inspired sampler… 16 Songs That Beat the Crap Out of Real Simple’s Lame List:

01: “L.E.S. Artistes” Santogold
02: “Words,” Missing Persons
03: “Mirror in the Bathroom” The English Beat
04: “This is Radio Clash” The Clash
05: “Say Aha” Santogold
06: “Private Idaho” B-52’s
07: “Spiderwebs” No Doubt
08: “You’ll Find a Way” Santogold
09: “Informer,” Snow
10: “Cities in Dust” Siouxsie and the Banshees
11: “Running up That Hill” Kate Bush
12: “Anne” Santogold
13: “Small Town Boy” Bronski Beat
14: “Voices Carry” ‘Til Tuesday
15: “Lights Out” Santogold
16: “Lorelei” Cocteau Twins

Pop-friggin’-tastic.

© Outlandos MusicTM 2008