According to most of the music industry, if you’re an adult, if you’re a decade or two or three or four or more (God forbid!) on the high side of that precious 18 to 24 bracket, your coolfactor is zero. You have no pulse. Those Josh Groban CDs in the impulse-buy rack at Barnes & Noble? FYI. Those are for you.

If you’re over 50 and you have one of those little cards that reminds you of this fact every day, good news: musically, you’re the new dead.

Case in point. Have you been to the AARP’s site lately? They launched a music feature last May under the mantra Music for Grownups. Don’t bother looking for a menu item labeled Music. It’s been relegated as a subheading under Fun and Games*. Your music, the essential soundtrack to your life, your audio calling-card, is, according to the AARP merely “Fun and Games.”

With the goal of providing “exclusive entertainment content geared towards the preferences of baby boomers and 50+ Americans,” the site boasts sponsorship of Tony Bennett’s recent tour (note: it seems as though the content hasn’t been updated since last year). Don’t get me wrong, I love Tony. But when you think of the music that defines your life, is that it? Is that the music that makes you feel like the young, hip, and cool grownup that you most certainly are?

Elsewhere on the site, there are a string of recent blog posts regarding music that is supposedly right up your alley. Like this one (note accompanying disclaimer) titled Glee Club:

The University of Indiana’s men’s a cappella group, Straight No Chaser sings the best version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” you’ll hear all year.

Um, okay. But decidedly, not cool.

I don’t mean to pick on the AARP but as our national umbrella group, representing so many adults, I wonder, doesn’t anyone there friggin’ rock?? My stepmom is a member and she’s cranking the AC/DC on a regular basis. She was front and center at a recent Damnwells‘ show. Bowie and Yes fit her bill. Beck? Check.

To be fair, the AARP does sport a Joss Stone Artist Connection (I’m not really sure what this is, seems mostly like an advertisement). Not bad. I’m not much of a fan but I get that other people are. That soulful groovy thing she has going on is sexy, and hence, cool. And there’s a Paul McCartney Timeline. Props for Paul = always cool.

I’m just saying, I think they can do better.

*since this post, the AARP’s website has undergone a makeover.  “Fun and Games” is now “Leisure,” although, sadly, there is still no designated menu heading for “Music.”

© Outlandos MusicTM2008