Last night, I finally managed to drag our dry, drooping, and now mostly needleless Christmas tree out to the lonely sidewalk for city pickup. A sad affair. Even sadder are all those year-end stats touting Noel as 2007’s bestseller. $2.77 million spent on utter schmaltz. Seriously. What happened to rockin‘ around the Christmas tree?

If you weren’t someone who bought one of those 669,000 records, hallelujah.

If, like me, you require a little more flare in your holiday soundtrack, earmark It’s a Rock Salt Christmas for your Santa list next year. 20 brilliantly wild, jingly-jangly rockers flecked with a few appropriately subdued lullabies. Self-proclaimed “soft-talker” & “rocker” Ashton Allen and Devin Moore have crafted a dreamy, super-group mash-up of Beach Boys, Beatles, Elliott Smith, Fountains of Wayne, the Connells, and more; a true Christmas rock-miracle. I’m not kidding.

The 10 originals are nothing short of smart lyric-ed, jingle bell-laden pop tunes (I didn’t know bells and chimes could be so very rock), with the Ramones-y “You Ruined Christmas” among my favorites… a perfect kick-in-the-teeth for that special heartbreaking someone on your list. Also: “Sunset Christmas,” which has a sweet n’ glittery, bouncy, Jack Johnson-thing going on. Think of it as the new “Christmas Island.”

Of the 10 classics, stand-out arrangements include “Jolly Old St. Nick,” “Ding Dong Merrily on High” (which, in an unfettered stroke of genius, borrows a lick from Sinead O’Connor’s “Emperor’s…”), and “O Holy Night” (the Bohemian Rhapsody-esque showstopper).

I’m telling you, this is $15 worth of absolute holiday bliss. Even for people who hate Christmas music.

© Outlandos MusicTM2008